Top 5 reasons to live on the Plateau

I have a problem. I really do. Every time I take the Sherbrooke bus, also known as "the 24," I fall in love. And we're talking "Oh sweet angel, wherefor art th—No don’t get off! NO! at least let me buy-you-a-bacon-cheese-brioche-NOOOO…" kind of love.

Everyone in Montreal is just too much of a crazy babe.

"I want that kind of passion in my life," you sigh into your pumpkin latte and sprout sandwich. "I want to feel alive!"

Dude, calm down. Just move to the Plateau.

Reason #1: People Watching

We don't care what you're into -- the hipster moustache, the asymmetrical haircuts, women who look like astronauts, dudes who look like unicorns, the girl that runs around, Amelie Poulain style, sticking her hands into bags of beans. We can promise you, the Plateau has it all. From Little Portugal to the more francophone east end to all the omgbabeland everywhere, there's someone for everyone in this neck of the woods. Imagine the cream of every imaginable crop! So visually appealing are these humanoids that scarcely an UGG boot has been seen on the Plateau since 2009! It's no wonder Montreal is consistently ranked in the top ten cities with the most beautiful people on earth.

Reason #2: It's literally the centre of the universe

 This 8 km2 area of land houses more than 100,000 people, making it one of the most densely populated areas in Canada. "What!" you say, "how is that a selling point?!" (Allow me to redirect you, oh forgetful one, to Reason #1.) As it stands, this tiny swath of land is like a little pebble. Small as it may be, the ripples it causes can be felt throughout the entire metaphorical Canadian pond. As one New York Times columnist put it: "the [Plateau]'s influence on the city's, even the nation's, culture is entirely out of proportion with its size.The bars on boulevard Saint-Laurent give rise to half of Canada's noteworthy new bands every year--first Arcade Fire, then Wolf Parade and now Plants and Animals--and the kids that pack them any night of the week are among Canada's chief arbiters of style." So there you have it. Why is the Plateau the centre of the universe? because New York, the other centre of the universe, said so. So when you're fooled into thinking that your swag is entirely your own, just remember the ripples, man.

Reason #3: "The Main"

 Once upon a time the earth rumbled and grumbled and split into a chasm called Boulevard Saint Laurent that henceforward would divide Montreal into east half and west half. From this chasm erupted bars and nightclubs and bass-like reverberations that can be felt on any given night at any given venue. You'll find everything from dub step to swing dancing to salsa to your good 'ol vanilla bump n' grind. Want to catch a show? Good, because someone you know is probably playing one. So you head over to Divan Orange, grab a beer, and look supportive--only to realize you're now missing your other friend's poetry slam a few blocks down. So, in a puff of liquid smoke, you escape to Casa del Popolo. On the way you stop in to Biftek for ten dollar pitchers. You figure you have time. Fast forward a few hours and you're eating two-dollar chow mein and watching the sun come up. This city will never put you to bed; that's something you'll have to take care of yourself.

Reason #4: The homes

 Now adjust your vision of babes and parties just a little, because the Centre of the Universe is actually quite peaceful and treelined…and vintage. The Plateau, despite its myriad shops, cafes, restaurants, galleries, and people, is actually mostly residential. Half of the homes on the Plateau were built before the 50's and still retain their original turrets and columns and stately brick facades. Fifty to 100-year-old trees intertwine their branches over the streets, and the buildings are connected in the back by a network of alleys. Though the days of pedlars and chickens may be far behind, these alleys are packed with bicycles, terraces, barbecues, and people hanging out. Because as much as people love to go out, they love to stay in. Nothing excites a Plateau dweller more than good wine, good friends, and a sturdy balcony or grassy park.

Reason #5: Food and Leonard Cohen and food with Leonard Cohen

A list about Montreal, let alone the Plateau, wouldn't be complete without a nod to its culinary enticements. Whether you're a diehard vegan or a vegan-with-bacon-on-the-side or only dine on the hearty traditional Quebecois trinity of fries, cheese, and gravy (amen), it's all here. We all know that Schwartz's Deli has the best smoked meat sandwiches in North America, but did you know that Cafe Santropol grows all its food on the roof? You'll also find cute cafes by the dozen lining Av Mont Royal, good for all manner of hot drinks and our national sport of people watching. Some places, like Bagels ETC on the Main have been known to serve their cheap breakfasts with a side of Leonard Cohen. That's right-- it's his favourite place to break his fast and embrace the artsy profundity of the day to come. Swoon!

So come on and settle down in Montreal's Plateau area, and if you see a girl clawing maniacally in despair at the bus window after you get off, be sure to give me a wave!

images : shutterstock.com